Depression as preparation

When I am old and gray and dying I hope I will be able to look back at this time of my life for preparation for what is next. I have felt a darkness that is slow, and quiet and moving at the same time that brings me closer to death.

happy 5/24

1. soletta marisol 2. Naomi Wachira 3. Breakfast at sweatbeas with kanzlers

Quote

Prayer is noticing, and often labeling, the worship already happening around you.

Quote

A writer must be a liar and manipulator. She has to believe that words change lives and convince others that her words can change theirs. She cant.

literal verse

I wonder if there is a verse about heaven that we should take literally

economy of heaven 5/19

pillars proverbs vows Vows: 1. Tension 2. community 3. creation 4. Time Evidence of tension in ones life-emotion and action-fight or flight, Evidence of community-do you know and act with your community, do you feel and are influenced by what is happening in the world Evidence of connection with Christ in Creation-creating ourselves. We have maintenance and creation, this focuses on the latter. Time is exercised in RITUAL, Schedule, feasts, Sabbath and rights of passage we read, learn, grow we act sacredness of everything worship comes from awareness of Glory Secular is only from lack of awareness celebration and suffering wrong question What this is not A. A church B. A therapy group C. A club It takes one year of preparation to decide if you want to follow this the rest of your life

Heaven movement

1. What are we for, not what are we against 2. how we have conversation is more important than what 3. we correct each other, don't take ourselves to serious 4. we have to be readers

economy of heaven

I think it should focus at the most simply with the idea of "the world tells us this, heaven tells us we have to do that" Heaven is never naive, but rather idealistic. It is not eden, but the fulfillment of earth. It takes the methods we use here and goes to the furthest step, redeeming everything and every method and everyone. Heaven is not defensive Heaven listens, never dismisses Heaven is not competitive heaven has its priorities right heaven is simple etc

Happy 5/18

1. Happy day with super stace 2. playing with baby soul on my bed-her clawing on my face and screaming 3. getting stuff done

Susan Sontag

I watched the hbo on Susan Sontag, hoping it would inspire me. It didn't quite get there. It made me think that she got where she was by being articulate, unbelievably driven and persistent, not damaged by criticism, great at publicity and never stopping. It makes me sad that she always wanted to be a fiction writer and that is what she was weakest at. I do agree that essays don't pass through time well. I think she wanted more than anything to have something that lasts. Maybe she could have focused on mentoring and changing professors and writers and poets and other change agents. I love the quote at the end of the movie, "people that curious about life have a hard time with death". How do I become more curious?

today

Made eggs and mushrooms dreamed of soletta-trevor lost her then put her on the shelf lots of laundry and dishes finished in cold blood watched ex machina last night-interesting but I don't like the aftertaste decided to not watch american crime anymore-don't like too many of the characters

Spiritual movement

I want to work on a spiritual movement. I don't think it will actually happen, but will be a great thing for me to focus on, getting me off of work and lawsuits and all that stuff. My initial feelings are to not be achurch or anything where you actually gather, but rather a set of vows that one holds that will complement everyone else in your life, like church and work and family life ideas 1. Set of vows 2. set of proverbs The vows would be things that you dedicate to God The proverbs would be methods to live one's life, but not exclusive or everytime Live in curiosity, yet have peace and joy in your heart Make a purposeful place in your daily life to make a "church" questions over answers processes over goals direct conversation over gossip I like the idea that a person would spend a year in prayer, maybe even with periods of purposeful solitude

What made me happy 5/17

1. Decision to focus on becoming a homemaker 2. turning this blog into private and writing all the time 3. baking cookies and making mushrooms