Imaginary friend

Right now my imaginary friend is named pooh bear, named after (and appearing in my imagination exactly like)) the non- creative name I used for my teddy bear when I was little. Mainly he looks on my with pure empathy, seeing so clearly my deep sadness. I started asking my imaginary friend for advice, but I can't imagine him talking to me. I just picture him looking at me really sad and giving me lots of hugs. I will keep you updated to see if anything changes in the adventures of my pooh bear

Sent from my iPhone

Spirit illness

I realize I needed to think through my chronic health issues in a new way so I created new spirit illnesses which I decided I would name after Spanish animals. El Tigre is my depression and self hate, and El Pato (the duck) became my headaches, and el sapo (the frog)became my heartburn.

Every time I read a book I create the future (for me)

I just finished "slouching towards Bethlehem" a Joan Didion memoir from the 60's. Making myself the protagonist (as I always do) I thought most about writing and glorifying my home town, for Joan Sacramento fir me yakima wa. I imagined I would be the writer who writes all things yakima and Ultra local news such as what is on the menu at school lunch, what are the best happy hours and who are the movers and shakers of central Wa. I imagined being a reporter at a lot of town hall meetings about which dogs yakima should ban (pit bulls but not Dobermans) and their position in recreational marijiana (against!!). My readers, who live in big cities would think yakimans are quaint and somehow think I am brilliant for writing about how quaint they are

Dream self interpretation #1

I woke up this morning singing 321 contact, the theme song from a pbs show from my childhood. I couldn't remember the dream other than thinking Lavar burton was the host, which upon waking realized he wasn't.
When I started interpreting it, the only connection I remember was an article about burton raising the most money ever on kick starter for his cancelled reading rainbow show. I also read an article week before about all the people who gave money to the kick starter didn't realize that the show wasn't going back on TV but would rather be a paid subscription. I also remember an interview that seemed like a decade before about what I remember as a celebrity, maybe Brian Williams saying that lavar burton was at a celebrity event trying in vain to raise Money for reading rainbow but Brian Williams saw the futility because reading rainbow didn't have any characters like sesame street that they could sell. My only association of 321 contact was that I remember being depressed while watching it

So I put the associations together and came up with themes of fighting for an impossible cause, as well as regretting investing in a cause I should have known was foolhardy and lastly the old never ending feeling of childhood depression.

When I think about the processes that are going on in my personal life, what came up was my anxiety ( a very old, never ending problem from childhood) and embarrassment (should have known feeling) about needing to fix my car after crashing it. The impossible cause I am fighting for felt like my inability to finish anything I start. I may talk a big game and get tell people about it (like Lavar) but when it comes down to it, I won't follow through on what people expect of me (like not realizing they will have to pay for reading rainbow)

Spirit animal

A few years ago I took an internet test on spirit animals and I got a hawk. A friend of mine was a bear and somehow in my imagination my spirit animal became a bearhawk. My recent google exploration showed me a bear hawk is a puny personal airplane that people on the internet are really excited about starting clubs with other bear hawkers. That does not fit my expectation if a bear hawk. I picture a griffin like thing with a bear head that swoops down and roars at people. Take that